Perhaps because it is on at a different time and conflicts with fewer other programs, TiVo in Baltimore has been taping more episodes of “Judge Judy” than TiVo in New York.

I have been watching them. As one of the only half-hour shows I record, it is the perfect thing to turn on when I’m eating lunch, unpacking, cleaning, or vacuuming up a hundred thousand million billion ants. And since I have been alone and unloved these past few weeks, I have started to look at the litigants on “Judge Judy” in a new light. I am fascinated by them: the petty ones, the sly ones, the dignified ones, the cute ones, the indignant ones, the idiotic ones.

Sometimes, when enough information is given about a person, I try to look them up on the Internet and find out more about their lives. Who are you? I wonder. What are you up to? What possessed you to make a fool of yourself on national television? Did you spend that thirty-eight dollars you won on the unpaid electric bill all in one place? Key any good cars lately

Inquiring minds want to know.

Update: What if I changed Goblin’s name to Pickles Squintacular, Starfleet Commander?

Update Two: Jwer, whose numerous and embittered comments here are the stuff of legend, has started his own blog. Check it out if you dare.