Yesterday, I went to Ikea with Jwer, who felt compelled to show me his bank account balance while we were in line at the cashier. He was simultaneously happy because he had a healthy amount of money and dreading the inevitable rapid decline of that sum.

I was of course reminded of my Listerine fixation.

For some reason, whenever I open a new bottle of Listerine, I become manifestly anxious of the day I run out. Each day, my spirits slowly sink along with the level of mouthwash in the container, and when it’s finally gone, I’m inconsolable.

No other product, not even ice cream bars, affects me in the same way. For a while, I stopped buying Listerine altogether because it simply wasn’t worth the heartache, but then they came out with the new citrus flavor, and I couldn’t help myself.

The obvious solution is to buy two bottles at once, but I get the idea that this will merely postpone the inevitable.