My hapless adventures today began when the toilet overflowed for no reason. Well, it overflowed because I flushed it, but (not to get too technical) there was nothing solid in there to cause a blockage. I believe the mechanism inside the tank malfunctioned, because reaching inside and jiggling it had the effect of stopping the waterfall, but I was left standing in a puddle a half inch deep. It took ages to clean up, and, late for my appointments, I ran out of the house looking as if I had just spent the morning cleaning up after an overflowed toilet. Which was nice because, when I went to vote, I found myself in the spotlight of a television camera. A reporter I could barely discern behind the glare asked my opinion on the design of the ballot, which, in fact, had much room for improvement. After sputtering out my comments, I discovered I was being interviewed by Fox News, an organization that has proven itself many times over to be the enemy of both democracy and objective journalism. I am quite certain that, using whatever wizardry they employ to make Bill O’Reilly and Ann Coulter appear of this Earth, they will twist my comments to mean precisely the opposite of what I intended.

Of only they could expend the same effort to make me look as if I had not spent quite so much time scrubbing the bathroom floor.