Remember when Lucy was flying back from France and discovered that it would cost a lot of money to ship an enormous piece of cheese in the plane’s cargo hold? She rationalized that, since babies flew free, she could dress the cheese up as an infant and fool everyone. Except, in mid-flight, she learned that babies did not fly for free; they flew for half price, which was much more than it would have cost to ship the cheese to begin with. So, in middle of the night, she and Ethel ate as much of the cheese as they could and stuffed the rest into Ricky’s band’s musical instruments. But in the morning, the baby was missed, and she was accused of disposing of it over the ocean.

Ah, good times.

Ah, cheese.

I am no longer on Phase One of the South Beach Diet, but I am still eating an extraordinarily large amount of string cheese. That does not seem to be doing any harm, but I cannot speak for the two boxes of sugar-free fudge bars and two bags of corn chips I have eaten in the past three days. Rob is in Minneapolis working on his new show, and my eating habits have deteriorated into the Stone Age. Or perhaps they did not invent sugar-free fudge bars until the Bronze Age. Regardless, I am nutritionally screwed. And speaking of screwed, Matt Damon has come sneaking around again. Honestly, the man cannot take no for an answer. Matt Damon, I realize that I am irresistible, but dressing up like a giant piece of string cheese that is additionally costumed as a baby is not going to get you anywhere with me!

Oh, who am I kidding? Get in here.