It is appropriate that my boyfriend is a composer, as I have written several popular ditties in my lifetime. That someone else wrote them first is immaterial: my particular interpretations have revealed previously undiscovered layers of meaning.

For example, my collaborator Tiffany and I once liberated “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” from its stodgy existing lyrics and transformed the entire tale into a swashbuckling and ribald voyage on the USS Enterprise:

“Don’t cry for me, Number One!
The truth is, I never loved you.
But come to my quarters
With a brassiere on.
We’ll have some fun, oh Number One!”

And who can forget the classic “Vampires Just Want to Have Fun,” which I co-wrote with Michelle? This featured such unforgettable lines as: “Come home before the morning light,” and “I want to be the one to run from the sun.”

I ought to be in show business. I really ought to.

Update: Ought is a funny word, don’t you think?