I would make a lousy poker player. I can bluff and dissimulate like an AWOL President, but I have no proper sense of revelation. Yesterday, I exposed my Penguin card too soon, and it will therefore pale today’s little tale by comparison. For what is a menacing, twelve-foot rat next to being forced to kiss Dick Cheney?

I suppose more of an explanation is called for, but is that not truly one of life’s great philosophical questions?

Anyway, last week, on my way out to the subway, I noticed something slightly curious about an apartment building on the other side of my block. That is to say, the edifice looked the same as ever, but there was a giant, inflatable rat on the sidewalk, raising its claws and baring its fangs toward the front door. This rat was standing on its back legs, so the people milling around it only came up to its distended stomach.

My, my, I thought. Is there vermin on the premises? Is this (as Rob suggested) some sort of Union symbol? Is this a Trojan Rat sent up by the subterranean tribes who live in tunnels under the city?

Flyers taped to the rat’s stomach revealed the whole, sordid story. An immigration lawyer who had been caught exploiting his clients lives in that building, and the rat was a symbol of public shame.

Shame on you, Scheming Immigration Lawyer! And shame on you, too, Dick Cheney. Wherever you are.

Update: Someone downstairs is cooking steak for lunch, and my apartment is awash in the carnivorous scent. Also, if you have yet to do so, do not forget to stand up for First Amendment rights by scrolling down and click on the MoveOn banner in the previous message.