Because they are anal-retentive chefs, my boyfriend, Rob, and his sister, Rindy, decided that they would cook Thanksgiving dinner this year by themselves. This left me, Goblin, Faustus, and Faustus’s dog, A., with nothing to do. Which is a shame, because Goblin really wanted to cook her specialty, cream of poop. Mmmmmm, steamy.

Anyway, we decided to put on a play in the basement.

Following is the script and some photos from the special event, which will be simultaneously posted on Faustus’s web log. If you read both of our web logs, you cannot escape them. They are omnipresent. Submit.

By the way, this is copyrighted material, so do not steal it and put your name on it. Not to point any fingers, but you know who you are, David Mamet. I have my eye on you.

Without any further ado . . .


A Thanksgiving Play in Three Scenes

starring A. and Goblin


Scene 1

A.: Hello. I’m an indigenous person.

GOBLIN: And I’m a pilgrim.

A.: Let’s have Thanksgiving.

GOBLIN: Okay.

A.: Great. Here’s some maize.

GOBLIN: Thanks. Here’s some firewater and some smallpox-infested blankets*.

A.: Thanks.

(SHE begins to die, loudly.)

Argh! I’m dying from the smallpox-infested blankets! Argh!

(SHE dies.)


Scene 2

A.: Hello. I’m an indigenous person.

GOBLIN: And I’m a fat, greedy, rich American capitalist.

A.: You killed my people with your smallpox-infested blankets and then took all our land and then forced us all to run casinos. We want our land back!

GOBLIN: No. And now I’m going to win lots of money in your casino.

A.: Argh!


Scene 3

A.: Hello. I’m an indigenous person.

GOBLIN: And I’m still a fat, greedy, rich American capitalist.

A.: With all the money I made from the casinos you forced me to run, I’ve become a billionaire and taken over the world and also developed superpowers!

GOBLIN: No!

A.: Now I’m going to kill you!

GOBLIN: Argh!

(SHE dies.)

A.: I win!

GOBLIN: And I’m a ghost!

THE END







*This line was actually "I bring you firewater and smallpox-infested blankets," but Faustus is the one who created the transcript and so its official appearance is erroneous.