In response to my revelation of the powerful life lesson I gleaned from Death on the Nile—in which I advised that if you find yourself on a boat where every other passenger either has a motive to kill you or is an internationally famous sleuth, you should abandon ship post haste—a certain smart aleck wrote the following, which Goblin and I have interpreted as a cry for further advice and responded accordingly:
Um, I . . . well, um . . . this is so embarrassing, but I seem to have found myself in exactly this situation.
The problem is, there are no lifeboats.
Do I jump overboard and attempt to swim to safety, hoping that my second-grade water safety certificate will stand me in good stead, or do I take my chances?
David responds:
This, of course, depends heavily upon the location of the boat and its proximity to shore. If you judge that you are at lesser risk from crocodiles, sharks, or sea monsters while floundering toward shore than you are from a bullet in the brain while remaining aboard, by all means swim for it. Otherwise . . . you know . . . take precautions. Keep your cabin locked. Post a guard. Or ask the detective for help: that’s what he’s there for. Whatever you do, don’t saunter around insulting everyone while flaunting your expensive pearls, for that is a recipe for disaster.
Goblin responds:
Hello hello hello! It’s Goblin! I have been away for a while plagiarizing Aunty Rindy’s doctoral dissertation but now I’m back back back! Did you miss me?
*lick lick lick lick lick*
The other night I caught a mouse. Mouse mouse mouse! And it was mine but Daddy took it away! Mine mine mine! That’s not fair! Daddy says that mice spread disease but it was a clean mouse. I could smell the Irish Spring. Daddy says that the mouse could’ve bit my eyes but it stayed pretty much in my mouth. It was chewy.
*snork*
Oh yeah. Advice. I say to jump in the water and do the dog paddle! If you see a crocodile do the dog paddle in the other direction! It’s easier to escape a crocodile than dodge a bullet to the brain!
*whine*