Goblin thanks everyone for their warm wishes on her birthday. "They like me," she said, looking up from her birthday cupcakes with frosting all over her face. "They really like me!" (Yes, we did make cupcakes—well, Rob did; I don't cook—and walked her around the neighborhood with a large pink badge that read "Birthday Girl" pinned to her harness.)

We will be updating this space erratically over the next few days, since we are on the road yet again. Here is the penultimate chapter of my travel journal. Don't worry . . . I'm not keeping one this time!

WHAT I DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION, PART EIGHT
Costa Rica: Escazu

Our hotel in Escazu was Casa de Las Tias, “House of the Aunts.” It was a bed and breakfast, actually, run (but not owned) but a sweet Dutch woman named Wilhelmina, who reminded us of one of Lily Tomlin’s characters (without the irony). Casa de Las Tias was beautiful, civilized, absolutely luxurious by comparison with our mean accommodations in Playa Zancudo. I had picked it out, and we both breathed a sigh of relief as we arrived.

The exterior was yellow and turquoise, rising above the surrounding suburbs like a country plantation house. It was constructed entirely of cedar and had once belonged to the Costa Rican Minister of Finance. Though off a busy street, it was quiet and shaded, the best of all worlds. A security guard (many places in Escazu, which is a rich suburb of San Jose, have security guards) had a little area in a corner of the driveway.

Breakfast was filling and delicious.

A maid washed and folded our laundry.

Maybe, we thought, we did die in a plane crash . . . and went to heaven.

*

The guidebook claimed that Escazu was a city that mixed colonial charm with Western luxury. After exploring on our first full day, we had yet to discover any charm or luxury. The main street was lined with McDonald's and KFCs, and the side streets had all of the Tico establishments. Traffic was everywhere, speeding and spewing out noxious fumes. The highlight of the day was the little Internet café we found, which cost about fifty cents an hour. We spent two hours on the slow connections, catching up on our correspondence.

Then we went to a pharmacy and bought a lotion for my agonizing mosquito bites.

Then we had frosty vanilla milkshakes at a place called Pops.

Then I came back to the House of Aunts to apply the lotion while Rob went to another Internet café.

Then (at Rob’s instigation, of course!) we both went to KFC, where I mistakenly ordered orange soda, which I have not drunk in twenty years and found as nauseating as nuclear waste.

Then I put more lotion on my mosquito bites.

Damned mosquito bites.

*

In fact, the charm of Escazu never quite turned up. The luxury became evident when we took a cab to the mall, which was high-end even by American standards. We decided to take in a movie called Legalmente Rubia Dos, which was a fascinating and insightful look at the American legislative system. You may have seen this award-winning film under its English title: Legally Blonde Two.

Our taxi driver got lost on the way back to the hotel, and we ended up passing enclaves of “luxurious” homes. Actually, they were cookie-cutter nightmares, clustered protectively behind barbed wire and high walls. This is where Costa Rica’s mistrustful American citizens live, sealed off from their host country except for quick jaunts to the McDonald’s or OfficeMax. We also passed the American Embassy, which was sealed off as if in concrete Tupperware.

Interesting that we saw Legally Blonde Two that day, as the movie featured the two American stereotypes prominent internationally: the greedy, manipulative politician/businessperson and the stupid, good-natured consumer obsessed with appearance.

*

One night, we went to dinner at a Thai restaurant near our hotel. Inexpert Spanish was the only language Rob and I had in common with the waitress, but we all managed to get our messages across. The food was cheap, plentiful, and delicious, my only complaint being that their soy sauce was not as salty or flavorful as I am used to (I am addicted to soy sauce).

For our dining pleasure, the establishment provided an endless loop of Christmas carols over the tinny sound system, while a television in the corner showed a History Channel documentary about comic book characters (without sound). I took the opportunity to tell Rob about the Sandman, my favorite, and lo, he appeared onscreen!

The commercial break featured a message by the local energy company: a hideous bunch of giggling drag queens waited onshore for Russian sailors to disembark from a navy ship. The sailors promptly did so and swept the “women” off their feet. I wish there had been sound, but I doubt that would have helped me learn what was going on.

*

Escazu went by quickly and largely uneventfully. It was clear our trip was winding down, and we were anxious to get home. With just one night left, we went through with our plans of spending it in real style . . . at the airport Marriott.