Scandalous, I know . . . days without an update to everyone’s favorite Upside-down Hippopotamus. I blame Verizon, a company so evil its spokesman is Darth Vader, and which apparently has more pressing business than activating the phone service in my new apartment. I must come down to Starbucks daily to check email and soothe my battered spirit with a Vanilla Crème Frappuccino.

I was going to launch into a tirade today about how no one cares about providing good service anymore. Verizon . . . the three pharmacists I spoke to yesterday about filling my prescription (a special order), who each treated me as if I were Hannibal Lechter in a face mask . . . the woman in Circuit City who could not be bothered to answer a simple question with civility (when I asked her if they had an item I had seen in Best Buy, she sneered, “We’re not Best Buy!”) . . . the cashier in Bed, Bath, and Beyond whose talon-like fingernail I grabbed instead of the pen she proffered (I was not watching what I was doing, but the only one who needs a fingernail that long is Wolverine).

But then I remembered that I am not one to talk, being so unforgivably behind in all of my own work projects that I will need to hire people to work on them while I am on my upcoming three-week vacation.

I wonder if Darth Vader is available.