It has been kindly pointed out by more than one person that there is indeed an "Oh-Flyway" (an Interstate connecting Ohio with Florida), as if I have been dying to embark upon such a driving adventure and have been thus far deterred only for want of a path blazed through the jungle of godforsaken states in between. (Note to residents of godforsaken states: I say this only to annoy certain people and, never having been there, cannot actually speak first-hand of the degree to which your home has been forsaken by any particular deity.)

So, anyway, USAirways (motto: The World's Crappiest Airline) lost my luggage, and the cab driver took such a nonsensical route in from LaGuardia that I might as well have walked. My much-anticipated joyful reunion with Goblin was cancelled due to lack of any joy on her part: she had stayed for a week with her best doggie friend and resented my arrival to retrieve her.

The good news is that I found an apartment that I like. The bad news is that attempting to obtain it could either bankrupt me or plunge me into a murky and possibly unethical situation that will saturate my new home with bad feng shui before I even move in.

Can you tell I am back in New York?