Since Rob is gone, I am suddenly awash in free time. How will I fill all of those hours we normally spend together? One would not think it would be so difficult, but there is not much on television between the hours of midnight and two a.m., our customary rendezvous.

Yesterday, I went over to my friend Lauri's house for a great conversation and some lovely corn chips. But as she might object to having a permanent guest (and only had one bag of corn chips), I have decided instead to dedicate myself to the charitable act of making the world a better place for me to live in. To that end, I shall answer a plea for help from this poor, confused soul.

Dear David:

I seem to have gotten myself in a pickle and I can think of no one better to help me out of it than you.

A couple of weeks ago, a man came into the restaurant that I manage and ate. During his meal, I noticed him looking at me rather . . . intently. As he paid his bill he said to me, "Hey. You're cute."

I was quite busy at the time and I really didn't think about what he said that closely so I replied, "Uh . . . Thanks."

I thought nothing of it and the guy didn't come back for a couple of weeks.

Tonight, he came back.

I didn't see him until he came up to pay his bill. He said, "Hey Michael. How you been?"

I was a little taken aback at the fact that he used my name, but I managed to reply, "Ok" in good time.

It was about this time that I realized that this was the person from before. I was more than a little shaken.

Then he said, [the most explicit and nauseating sexual proposition David has ever heard, which is why he edited it out . . . neither his mother nor his dog need to be that informed about what is going on in the world].

My mind reeled at the thought of a man clad only in a leather thong and a "Honk if you're Horny" hat lovingly [performing the proposed sexual act].

I could only manage a dry cough and something that must have sounded an awful lot like a chirp before he left.

I am not gay. However, men have hit on me before. I've always just explained that, although I am quite flattered, I am straight. I've never encountered something like this before.

Did I give this guy some signal? Did I miss out on some hidden innuendo? Is he just off his gourd?

David responds:
"Hidden innuendo?" You think dining in a restaurant while wearing only a leather thong and a "Honk if you're horny" hat is a subtle hint? Or perhaps this gentleman was appropriately garbed, and it was your own imagination that supplied him with the more risqué attire? In which case, one is forced to wonder if you are quite as heterosexual as you imply.

Oh dear. Perhaps that was not the proper method of inquiry. How's this? You were approached in your place of business with a shocking and completely inappropriate sexual proposition, and you feel as if you might have done something wrong? Women, who are more regularly propositioned by straight men in equally crude ways, are taught to stand up for themselves better. A cold "I beg your pardon!" or an even more frigid snub (called a cut direct) are your allies here.

I am not certain why you define your situation as "a pickle," which implies an ongoing dilemma, when it is clearly over with. Unless you are afraid that your feeble response will be interpreted as an invitation to return and try his luck with you again next time. In that case, you would be justified in having him removed from the premises. After all, as a manager, you would certainly not stand for a customer who said such things to, say, a waitress. Why is it any different when the injured party is you? Or is it that, because the perpetrator is a gay man and not a straight man, you do not wish to be accused of being biased, or to become the focus of a Cracker Barrelesque boycott?

Whatever else that might be said for him (and it is clear that he gets at least as many jollies from shocking innocent people as he does from his particular sexual fetish), your admirer was at least direct in his approach to you. His initial greeting ("Hey, you're cute!"), while slightly forward, is within the realm of acceptability. (Your response to that was appropriate, by the way.) I count among my friends several who feel as if indicating romantic interest to people in whom they are romantically interested is tantamount to suicide; thus they pine away in miserable solitude when all they risk is a "no, thanks."

If only you had been as direct in your response to his sexual request, you would not be so concerned about his return.