I am in Dayton, Ohio, arts capital of Montgomery County and land of peace accords. I represent President Goblin of West Eighty-third Street; Laverne and Squirrelly, ruthless squirrel dictators of Central and Riverside Parks, are also in attendance at this last-ditch effort at détente. Last night, as a gesture of reconciliation, we all went out to the barn and put on a musical. Laverne played Orville Wright, and Squirrelly was a guy who wanders the streets in his pajamas.

If you ask me, for this to work, they both need to practice their jazz hands.