Oh yes, we have done it again. We can stop any time, you know.

We can, too.

Dear Annie: I recently found out that my 52-year-old husband has become rather close friends with "Derek," another man the same age. Also, our two grown children found some e-mails their father had sent to a couple of other men, and these letters could be interpreted to mean my husband is gay. The children are so upset about this that they will not speak to their father.

I have been married to this man for 27 years. When I try to discuss the issue, he becomes quite angry. My husband and Derek have been on several long trips together, but he insists they are just friends. He says there is nothing wrong with having male pals and that I am the sick one in the family.

Annie, every time I catch my husband on his computer or talking on his cellphone, he disconnects immediately and pretends nothing is going on. My friends tell me to leave him, but I know if this information came out in a divorce hearing, it would destroy his career and reputation. Please help me. -- At the End of My Rope

David responds:
Your husband may indeed be secretly gay. If you cannot discover the truth via your current regime of prying into his private correspondence and eavesdropping on his private conversations, feel free to avail yourself of the following checklist:

1) Does your husband use the word fabulous more than is strictly necessary?

2) Does your husband take more than a passing interest in shoes or window treatments?

3) Does your husband have sex with men?

If you answered "yes" to any of the preceding questions, your husband is gay. So what next? I cannot bring myself to care. While it is crappy to get married and have children under pretenses (assuming he understood he was gay at the time) and crappy to sleep around on your spouse of twenty-seven years (if that is indeed what he is doing), it is also crappy to feel trapped into doing so by a rigid and unforgiving social tyranny. When we create a society that judges and limits the personal choices of others, we all suffer.

So you are both up a creek. Get a divorce, stay married . . . whatever you like. Just keep in mind that the issue is the possible infidelity, not the sex of the person with whom the infidelity allegedly took place. I am sure you, your children, and your friends would not want to contribute even more homophobia to the world, ushering yet another generation of gay men into a closet full of unhealthy marriages. Would you?

Goblin responds:
It's me me me! I love the gays! Gay gay gay!

*snork*

Daddy says I have three daddies. Daddy says that his ex Michael is my other daddy because they bought me together and my step-daddy is Uncle Bobby. I also call Uncle Bobby the Crumb Lord because whenever he eats I get a free meal off his shirt. Crumbs crumbs crumbs! (And sometimes drops of sauce!)

*lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick*

Oh yeah. Advice.

*poot*

If your husband is gay he did lie to you for twenty-seven years but he also stayed with you and tried to make the best of the situation by putting your happiness and fulfillment over his own. You can divorce him because of infidelity if he was unfaithful but don't hold his sexual orientation against him!

*lick lick lick lick lick lick burp*