My, my . . . what have we here? A letter? For moi?

Oh, wait. No. It is addressed to Miss Manners. Miss Manners, you have mail! Miss Manners? Hallooo? Anyone home?

Hmmm.

Good heavens, the flap appears to be loose. Why, it is about to pop right open, here in my hand. They do not make envelopes the way they used to. Yessirree Bob (and I have never before in all my days written Yessirree Bob), that sure is loose. Loose and . . . wait, Goblin do not tear it! Goblin gets a little carried away sometimes. No, you cannot just rip open someone else's mail. Just bring that steaming teakettle over here, and we will see what happens. . . .

What do you mean it is still sealed? Oh, for the love of— Gimme that!

*rip rip rip*

Dear Miss Manners: Not long ago, I was dining with a friend in a restaurant that caters mainly to a gay clientele. A gentleman of our acquaintance entered, accompanied by a much younger man. They stopped at our table briefly to exchange greetings, but our acquaintance did not introduce his companion.

Because of a combination of factors (differences in age and ethnicity, the young man's rather provocative choice of clothing, and, above all, the lack of an introduction), my friend and I formed the opinion that our acquaintance was with a paid escort. There is nothing wrong with that, in my opinion (he was not cheating on a spouse), but not introducing him gave it away.

I think that the young man, whatever his occupation, should be entitled to the same courtesy as anyone else. (My friend and I also considered the possibility that it was us the gentleman was ashamed of and not his companion.)

When one is out on the town with someone whose company has been engaged for a monetary consideration, and one encounters acquaintances, what is the proper way of dealing with the situation? I assume one does not go into detail about finances, but for the sake of appearances, isn't it correct to at least pretend that the companion is a friend?

David responds:
Having in my checkered past entered many an establishment on the arm of gentlemen older than myself (although not, alas, inclined to pay for my valuable time), allow me to postulate five scenarios more likely than the one you envision.

1) Your acquaintance had forgotten your name; nothing draws attention to this dilemma quite like an introduction.

2) Your acquaintance wished to make you jealous of his perfectly legitimate date, in which case, the fewer details he volunteers, the more your envious imagination needs to fill in.

3) Your acquaintance was distracted by his perfectly legitimate date, and introductions merely slipped his mind.

4) Your acquaintance's companion was a friend or younger relative whom he assumed you knew.

5) Whoever his companion was, your acquaintance was, indeed, ashamed of you and your friend: two gossipmongering harpies of the worst order.

To deal with your actual question, about the manners of parading around town with a paid escort, allow me to wonder for a moment why you ask. Is it to take your acquaintance aside the next time you see him and inform him of his etiquette violations? Or do you not want to make the same faux pas the next time you hire companionship for the evening?

Either way, the answer is the same: nobody is required to introduce anybody to anyone in passing greetings of the sort you describe.

Goblin responds:
Hello hello hello! I'm Goblin! I love introductions!

*lick lick lick lick lick*

Sometimes I introduce myself by licking and sometimes I let the other person sniff my butt. I would wag my tail but I don't have a tail. Daddy says that people without tails are best. I believe him because squirrels have tails and they are bad bad bad!

*lick lick lick snork*

Oh yeah. Advice: It's none of your business who he was but if you were burning with curiosity you could've introduced yourself directly to the companion.

*sneeze*