Following is a song I wrote about my favorite television show.

Yes, I need to get out more.

No, I probably will not.

When you sing along in your mind, the tune is roughly that of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." (With apologies to the Beatles for substituting one drug trip for another.)

HILDI IN THE BATHROOM WITH FLOWERS
(An ode to "Trading Spaces")

Picture yourself in a house in the suburbs
With Mindy Paige Davis Page standing outside.
You'd never suspect you were getting a hay wall
Or the room in which Crying Pam cried.

Orthogonal nightmares and fireplace covers are
Enough to make you flip out.
But even worse is the bed that is shaped like a grave…

Hildi in the bathroom with flowers
(Stapling them up will take hours).
Watch out for Kia's satanic powers…
AHHHHHHH!

They've only got two days and one thousand dollars
To transform a room for their neighbors and friends.
Nothing about it should be so dramatic,
But this is where sanity ends.

Painting upholstery and taking down fans…
My nerves are starting to fray.
Did you know a room could be based on a bowl of soup?

Vern's sense of style always amazes.
Doug has got a fetish for glazes.
Frank's country crap should go up in blazes.
AHHHHHHH!

Carpenter Amy Wynn's a lumber goddess;
Ty can't measure his way out of a paper bag.
Homeowners are worried about their "reveal":
They'll either be thrilled or they'll gag.

Laurie's fabrics bring transformation.
Genevieve has strange inspirations.
Is Edward's presence imagination?
AHHHHHHH!

Hildi in the bathroom with flowers
(Stapling them up will take hours).
Watch out for Kia's satanic powers…
AHHHHHHH!

Vern's sense of style always amazes.
Doug has got a fetish for glazes.
Frank's country crap should go up in blazes.
AHHHHHHH!

If "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" had more verses, this would have turned into a more comprehensive exposé.