I feel as if someone has chopped off my ears, poked out my eyes, or otherwise relieved me, in spectacularly bloody fashion, of important sensory input.

My high-speed Internet connection has been disconnected.

No, I did not forget to pay the bill, as I do on a regular basis with my electricity and cable television. My DSL provider went out of business, and my replacement company has yet to send me their equipment.

This is not good. After weeks without a regular high-speed connection, I returned home with the expectation of plunging back into cyberspace like a heroin addict into a cool swimming pool on a day that is hot and humid, or perhaps it is a dry heat. In any case, that was not to be, and I type this while I am on hold with Earthlink, waiting with bated breath (or is that baited breath?) to learn the fate of my new DSL modem.

I tried to look on the bright side, really I did. Without the constant interruption of email popping in, without the ever-present temptation of the Web to draw me away from my tasks, I will get twice as much done, I thought. Actually, I only get half as much done: on top of all of my other procrastination habits, I now spend hours, unable to work, reliving my plunge from the wired elite.

"All customer support agents are assisting other customers. Please continue to hold for a customer support agent. Thank you for your patience."