This is true. Yesterday, I bought an acre of land on the moon. I have always wanted to go to the moon, although I have been putting it off because I wanted to travel in greater comfort than would seem to be currently possible. Now that I am a property owner, there is more incentive to visit . . . although I also own an acre of land somewhere in a distant rainforest, and I have never been to see that, either. Come to think of it, when I was in college, Viki and I sponsored a girl named Mirna through Save the Children; not only did we never meet her, she never could be bothered to write those touching letters of thanks you hear so much about in the marketing campaign.

So my track record is not the best, but I will attempt to do better. Apparently, there is an upcoming Constitutional Convention for all of the people worldwide who bought property on the moon. We will hammer out a Lunar Constitution and get things off on the right foot. I volunteered to represent the United States, and since I have not yet decided whether I am a communist or a monarchist, things could heat up pretty quickly if I am selected.

In related news, I also saw a poll online which questioned whether schools should teach Evolution or Creationism. Last I checked, it was 55 percent to 45 percent.

And people wonder why I want to move to the moon.