Goblin and I feel the crushing weight of responsibility wrapped around our shoulders like a mink stole. After sporting merrily as renegade advice columnists out to impose our particular form of order on an ignorant world, some misguided soul has actually written to us for guidance. Directly to us, I mean to say: we did not, this time, rummage for scraps in other people's inboxes. Imagine.

Naturally, we are thunderstruck but prepared to have a go at it. Goblin is out whipping up new batch of entrails for prognostication, and I have some nice green tea steeping in the kitchen. When this is all over, I will add a glug of something to the cup to calm my poor nerves, which are all aquiver with the burdens of great wisdom.

Dear Goblin (and David):
I have felt adrift lately. I have tried to interest a friend in some social activities like going out for a chai tea latte or a meal at one of the many fine local restaurants. We don't have Ethiopian eateries, but we have some adequate Mexican places.

I didn't find my suggestions well received. Am I too dense to take what might possibly be a rather obvious hint or should I keep trying to let this person know his company is valued and appreciated? —Adrift in Tennessee

David responds:
Already, we are off to a bad start. To be relegated secondary, and then to parenthesis! Well, that certainly is not going to serve you very well, is it. Any fool can see that, while I may not be as cute or even as interesting as my dog, I am certainly superior in the realm of advice giving. I mean, honestly.

Equally obvious to any fool is that you are barking up the wrong tree. You do not elaborate on "well received" or "obvious hint," but I will assume you mean that this "friend" has indicated disinterest in chai tea lattes and fine local restaurants in a way that also suggests, without quite stating, a more global disinterest in your company. In other words, you have proposed a number of activities, and your friend has rejected them without suggesting alternatives, leaving you to believe that the common denominator of these rejections is your own self.

You could be right.

What is more interesting is that, whether you are right or not (we have no way of knowing unless you ask), you have allowed this conclusion to affect you more broadly than is necessary. You say you are adrift, which indicates a general emotional condition rather than a specific emotional response. What is it about this situation that has affected you so completely? Identify the connection and start taking positive steps to neutralize it.

For example, if you do not have many friends and are afraid of being alone, why not go out for a chai tea latte by yourself and strike up a conversation with someone you meet there, or ask someone new to join you?

You ask if you are dense, and I cannot possibly answer that question without more facts, but in parting, I do have a question of my own. If this person is shunning you entirely or, at best, sending very mixed signals, what exactly is it about his or her company that is so "valued and appreciated"? Surely, you have politer and more appreciative friends to accompany you on activities, and if indeed you do not, I would suggest making some.

Goblin responds:
Yow yow yow!

Daddy was vacuuming vacuuming vacuuming and now everything smells different! No more crumbs! It's like Uncle Bobby was never here!

*lick lick lick lick lick lick lick*

Ethiopian food. Yum! Daddy loves it and brings it home and eats it cold but won't let me have any. Only dog food for me until Uncle Bobby comes back and drops stuff. I licked three kinds of sauces off his shirt the other day.

*snork*

Oh yeah. Advice. Give your friend another chance. Maybe when you ask him to do stuff you are not being specific enough. Like you say Let's have a chai tea latte sometime and he says Okay but then you get sad because he doesn't pick up on the momentum and suggest a time. Maybe he is busy or waiting for you to suggest a time since it was your idea. Maybe he wants to do something but does not like chai tea latte.

Latte latte latte!

Here is what you can do. Call him up and ask him if he wants to have a chai tea latte at a specific place and time. If he says no suggest another specific place and time or maybe switch to another activity. If he still says no you've done all you can do. The ball's in his court.

Ball ball ball!

*lick lick snork*